Thursday, January 11, 2007
Ski Trip '07
Views from the slopes at Chamrouse ski resort in the French Alps (http://www.chamrousse.com/)
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Giving Is Receiving
At toastmasters last Saturday WC spoke about gift giving and receiving. She told us a story about a women named Kate who was terrible at receiving gifts. We all have a Kate in the family...someone who says things like "you shouldn't have" and "well what am I going to do with this?" Kate's consistently negative reactions to gifts hurt the people on the giving end, to the point that they alomst stopped trying at all.
Turns out Kate's family never had a lot when she was growing up and no matter what she asked Santa for all she ever really got was hand-me-downs and other things that were lying around the house. Her parents would wrap them up and put them under the Christmas tree. She got used to not being excited about gifts and not expecting anything.
Though understandable, Kate's learned cynicism about gifts hurt the people who loved her most- her husband, children and grandchildren. She didn't realize the impact her reaction had on those around her (on on herself for that matter). Only when her daughter confronted her one day did Kate understand how her "receiving" diminished the gifts her family put so much thought into giving.
Before WC's speech I hadn't really ever thought about the impact someone receiving a gift could have on the person giving the gift. I never thought about how, if you expect something (or nothing) you can back yourself into a corner of disappointment. Building expectations around giving birthday and Christmas gifts is something or culture teachs us well. In fact, the expectation of gifts at Christmas is what makes many people say that the holiday has been secularized or co-opted by consumerism.
I'm definitely guilty of having expectations about gifts (and the people giving them) that have led to my unhappiness at Christmas. Looking back I realize now how my negative reaction to gifts that didn't meet my expectations ruined my Christmas spirit and probably hurt the givers.
For instance, I once got a really nice (and expensive) gift that I didn't expect from a friend. When I opened the gift, I started crying-- not tears of joy, but tears of surprise and embarrassment. My friends smile also quickly faded to a frown as I exclaimed "I only got you a sweater!!"
However, the point was not, as my friend explained, that I only got her sweater when she got me this more expensive gift- but that she really wanted me to have it because she knew I really wanted it and that it would make me happy. Making me happy, she said, would make her happy. Had I just let myself be thankful and happy, she would have been happy, too-- even if I hadn't gotten her anything at all.
Giving gifts really shouldn't be about what I'll get if I give this or that or what I should give based on what I got. Gifting is about making someone happy-- happy that you're thinking about them, that you know them well, that you took time to show it--just for the sake of doing it.
Sometimes the best gift we can give is receiving our gifts well. That's a lesson I hope to practice this holiday season.
Turns out Kate's family never had a lot when she was growing up and no matter what she asked Santa for all she ever really got was hand-me-downs and other things that were lying around the house. Her parents would wrap them up and put them under the Christmas tree. She got used to not being excited about gifts and not expecting anything.
Though understandable, Kate's learned cynicism about gifts hurt the people who loved her most- her husband, children and grandchildren. She didn't realize the impact her reaction had on those around her (on on herself for that matter). Only when her daughter confronted her one day did Kate understand how her "receiving" diminished the gifts her family put so much thought into giving.
Before WC's speech I hadn't really ever thought about the impact someone receiving a gift could have on the person giving the gift. I never thought about how, if you expect something (or nothing) you can back yourself into a corner of disappointment. Building expectations around giving birthday and Christmas gifts is something or culture teachs us well. In fact, the expectation of gifts at Christmas is what makes many people say that the holiday has been secularized or co-opted by consumerism.
I'm definitely guilty of having expectations about gifts (and the people giving them) that have led to my unhappiness at Christmas. Looking back I realize now how my negative reaction to gifts that didn't meet my expectations ruined my Christmas spirit and probably hurt the givers.
For instance, I once got a really nice (and expensive) gift that I didn't expect from a friend. When I opened the gift, I started crying-- not tears of joy, but tears of surprise and embarrassment. My friends smile also quickly faded to a frown as I exclaimed "I only got you a sweater!!"
However, the point was not, as my friend explained, that I only got her sweater when she got me this more expensive gift- but that she really wanted me to have it because she knew I really wanted it and that it would make me happy. Making me happy, she said, would make her happy. Had I just let myself be thankful and happy, she would have been happy, too-- even if I hadn't gotten her anything at all.
Giving gifts really shouldn't be about what I'll get if I give this or that or what I should give based on what I got. Gifting is about making someone happy-- happy that you're thinking about them, that you know them well, that you took time to show it--just for the sake of doing it.
Sometimes the best gift we can give is receiving our gifts well. That's a lesson I hope to practice this holiday season.
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